Desiring Marriage


GOD Created Marriage!

Marriage is a wonderful thing to look forward to. The Bible says:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favour from the Lord”
– Proverbs 18:22

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” – Genesis 2:18

So we can clearly tell that God designed marriage and desires us to be married too. Some argue that it is better to be “unmarried” after they read through 1 Corinthians 7:8. I do not dispute what Apostle Paul said here-when you read the scripture in context and not isolation you gain a deeper understanding of the benefits of singlehood. However when we go back to Genesis 1, which holds the basis of our creation, we understand that God instructed man to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28).

How are we able to “be fruitful and multiply”? Through sexual intercourse

And what is the right manner of doing this? By marrying one person [of the opposite sex!] (1 Corinthians 7:2; Genesis 2:24).


The Dangers of Sexual Immorality

God desires “two” to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), but at the moment we have “thousands” and “millions” becoming one because of sexual immorality.

Many walk around flashing their unembellished ring fingers, bragging about their freedom and singleness, when truly they are married and in bondage to innumerable souls around the world [some known, most unknown]. This is all a result of sexual immorality. You can’t just sleep with anyone and live your life like everything is normal – who have you just slept with [and who and how many people have they slept with etc.]? Or better still how many people have you just married?

And may I just add, kissing [tongue-kissing, pecking etc.] is also dangerous and consequential outside of marriage. When you tongue kiss you’re still “becoming one” with the participant because you’re “swapping saliva”-what’s in them goes into you and vice versa. This is just as bad as fornication [premarital sex] because you’re still making that bond [marrying them spiritually]. “Pecking” may seem harmless and “innocent” but one [or both] of the parties will eventually feel like doing more-it’s all just one sinful mess to be honest…

“It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” – 1 Corinthians 7:1-2

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not!  Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him” – 1 Corinthians 6:15-17

Before you desire to be married, desire to be “one spirit” with God-not five hundred spirits with Satan! You can seek spiritual guidance and support from your pastor, mentor etc. but even in your private place of prayer you can cry out to God to cut off every marital attachment you have with those that you have been sexually and emotionally bonded to in the past. You do not want to get married with all that baggage, neither do you want to get married to someone with “all that baggage” too. This is why we’re not supposed to be tapping into this mess in the first place. Sex must be reserved for marriage-not because God is “mean and horrible” and doesn’t want you to “have fun”-it’s because God loves you and wants you to be saved from the harms of sexual immorality.

Another thing about sexual immorality is that it disengages you from God’s original intention for man. Sexual immorality can cause you to “multiply” [have children] but it does not make you “fruitful”. 

Fruitful” in the Old Testament Hebrew, represented in Genesis 1:28, is “parah” meaning “to bear fruit, be fruitful, branch off”.

This immediately takes me to John 15:5…

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing”

We can only “be fruitful” when we “abide” in God. We can only fulfil our purpose in life when we submit to His Word.

The enemy’s plan is to get us to rebel against God, so we forfeit our place in God’s Kingdom. We have to be wise and vigilant, recognising the authority and significance we have in God and ditching anything that will hinder us from receiving it-especially sexual immorality.

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” – 1 Corinthians 6:18


Calm Down With the Desperation!

There are many reasons why people are oh-so-eager to get married. These are some of the popular categories of people and I am going to break each one down:

  1. The Gassed Girl: “I can’t wait to rock that ring and that white dress!”
  2. The Zealous Virgin: “I can’t wait to give it up!”
  3. The Ex-Fornicator: “I can’t wait to have sex again!”

The Gassed Girl:

For anyone who is unfamiliar with UK Slang, “gassed” or “gassed up” is a term we use when someone is over-excited or thinks too much of themselves (I’m sure things are beginning to make more sense now).

Furthermore, I deliberately used the term “girl” because any female that is more concerned about her “ring” and “white dress”, rather than being a godly and useful wife to her husband [and mother to her children], is truly a “girl” and not a “woman”. She needs to grow up; stop thinking about herself; cut off her impulsive subscription to “BellaNaija Weddings” and “Weddings on Point” and seek God first (Matthew 6:33).

That’s the end of that one!

The Zealous Virgin:

First of all, if you are in this category please praise and thank God that you have still been able to keep your virginity thus far in this current century! However, you cannot be thinking about sex all the time-you must not even think about it at all!

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman [gyne] to lust [epithymeo] for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” – Matthew 5:27-28

Adultery is voluntary sex that one may have outside their marital covenant, for example:

  • A married person and an unmarried person having sex with each other
  • A married person having sex with another married person

o   E.g. Mr X [married to Mrs X] having sex with Mrs O [married to Mr O]

Therefore one may assume that Matthew 5:27-28 only refers to those that fit into the categories mentioned above. Contrary to this, the word “woman” in the New Testament Greek is “gyne” and it stands for “a woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow”. Now from this, we can tell that the “adultery” mentioned in this scripture is beyond its usual definition. When we look into the meaning of “lust” we can gain deeper insight into this scripture…

“Lust” in the New Testament Greek is “epithymeo” – this means to have a desire for, long for, to desire; to lust after, covet [of those who seek things forbidden].

So in conclusion, a man [and a woman too] cannot lust after what does not belong [is forbidden] to him. If you are married or unmarried and you sexually desire someone that you are not lawfully [in the world and in heaven] married to you are committing adultery even in your heart. Basically, you’re just as bad as the one who has carried it out all the way! Before David went into Bathsheba, he desired her and went through a long process to get her into his bed (1 Samuel 11). It did not just happen all of a sudden! It was all planned in the mind first.

The mind sets the scene for sin and adventure. No one [without divine intervention] can escape the visual penetrations of the mind. The mind replays visions that enslave the body into acting upon its hearts desires. That’s why, in a positive light now, when one meditates on the Word it governs their footsteps and actions, enabling them to conform to the image of God – so that’s what you should do instead.

If you are a virgin eagerly waiting to lose your virginity but all within the “safety of marriage”, you need to ask yourself “why am I so eager?” Is it that you have been exposed and now addicted to pornography and sexual pleasure? Or have you been fondling, bumping, grinding and doing “everything but it” which has now caused your mind and body to cry out for a deeper level of sexual intimacy? It does not matter what caused it but you just need to understand that it must be stopped. It is ungodly BUT God can deliver and purify you if you desire to be cleansed. He can also help you to exercise patience and preserve your virginity till the time He has appointed for you to be married and sexually united with your future spouse.

The Ex-Fornicator:

I can really relate to those in this category. When I came to Christ at the age of 19, I had just completed my first year of university and I instantly and desperately desired to get married at the age of 21 [after completing my degree]. This “sooooo” did not happen.

Truth is I looked at my past and just thought, “I can’t wait long”. To be honest, it wasn’t even about sex­ual intercourse but about “the other stuff” (e.g. cuddling, kissing etc.). I made up my mind to give it all up, but under my conditions being that I wouldn’t be waiting that long. Well God took me through an awesome long journey-which I hated at first-that made me realise that marriage really isn’t all about that stuff.

When you have had a sexual history [no matter how long or short], you really have to work on becoming single again. As I mentioned earlier, you must desire to be “one spirit” with God. Your sexual history [with partners or even pornography] can cause you to create a falsified image of your desired spouse-one that God has no hand in at all! Your previous sexual experiences [and fetishes] can cause you to crave for satanic practices that can tarnish your marriage [and your soul!].

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

The Conclusion

Please, seriously, forget about everything that went on in the past. It does not just relate to your sexual partners but there may be others that you built a strong emotional bond with-they need to go too! It’s not easy to wipe away the memories but you must actively show God that you want to get rid of them [e.g. by fasting, praying, weeping/mourning over your sins etc.] and He will do the rest!

Your attachment to the past will mess up your marriage in the future – cut if off!

Marriage is not just about sex [losing your virginity], there’s more that God requires from you.

In your singleness you are required to be a leader and example to many. You need to be walking in the assignment God has given you – how much more when you’re married?

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”  – Amos 3:3

As you become mature in Christ, you stop praying religiously for God to “Give me a spouse or I die!” you actually begin to pray for God to help you grow in wisdom and change any character flaws you may have.

You spend more time building yourself in Christ, discovering your purpose in life and working on it. You also spend time building up others, demonstrating your parental abilities because you’re not just going to get married to “look cute” but to raise a family [army] for Christ!

There’s nothing wrong with desiring marriage, but just understand that there is a vital process you need to go through to ensure you experience the best God has for you! There’s no need to be in a rush.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” – Matthew 6:33

God bless.




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